I am your fiercest protector. Since the day I knew you were mine and every day since, that fierceness grows. It’s inescapable. Unapologetic. I carry it with me everyday with every new step you take and every discovery you make. In a time when the world is more uncertain, disheartening and disenchanting as ever, how do I let my fear for your future be outshined by that ferocious instinct to shield you from all that is wrong? How do I make you aware enough to be the catalyst for change and a symbol of hope, but not act in haste or fear? And how do I simultaneously emphasize all that is very right and light in the world at the same time?
Your innocence and young curiosity for this life Mommy and Daddy gave you deserves infinite wonder. So, while I may not be able to change certain things in the ways of the present world, I can make you promises I can keep. I can be transparent as to what you can expect throughout your lifetime from me, your Mommy.
I can promise you, I’m not perfect. No where near and would never claim to be. So don’t be disappointed one day when you realize this and have to take me off the pedestal. I mess up what feels like fifty times a day where you’re concerned; though you may not notice…yet. I lose my patience and get tired and frustrated when you enter your 50th satanic meltdown of the day or want to read the same book ten times in a row or else refuse to eat or are just being….well, just being a toddler. But I also promise you that I feel even worse afterwards and beat myself up with guilt for not being invincible and susceptible to it. I recognize how very blessed I am to be able to be over-tired and frustrated with you, little person trying to work it out. I promise to always be better and correct myself. I promise to give myself a timeout, count to ten, breathe and snap out of it before it really starts to affect you. I promise to keep my anxiety in check so you don’t experience the same. I promise to remind you, you are perfect just the way you are and in my moments of weakness you will still never not know how infinitely loved you are. I will ALWAYS do better.
I promise to raise you to be a man. Not a little boy pretending to be one. A man. A gentleman. A strong man. A thoughtful man. A courteous man. An intelligent man. A compassionate man. A humble man. A kind man. A fair man. A passionate man. A leader, not a follower. A man who isn’t complacent. A man who accepts and embraces those that are different from him. A man who wants to learn from them. A man who is a straight shooter. A man who acknowledges his flaws. A man who is curious about seeing the world. A man who puts others before himself and asks for nothing in return. A man who recognizes the love that surrounds him and pays it forward tenfold. A man who loves unconditionally but isn’t a pushover. A man who, ‘wants to make the world a better place.’ A man who stands his ground, has strong beliefs and argues articulately but respectfully listens to those who disagree with an open ear and mind. A man who never raises his hand first but has a mean left hook should someone lay a hand on him. A man who understands it’s his responsibility to take ownership over his actions and mistakes and can be proud of his accomplishments. A man whose parents taught him it’s about hard work, dedication and paying your dues-not instant gratification. A man who believes he can be a beacon of change and hope. A man who dreams and believes he can make whatever those dreams are come true. A man with self awareness and self motivation. A man who tips well. A man who can take a joke. A man who folds his own laundry (OK, Daddy’s got the serious edge on that one.) A man who can and will defend himself and others. A man who does not tolerate injustice. A man who can dance and cook. A man who loves love.
On the topic of love, I can also promise you a few things here. I can promise you, Daddy aside, nobody will ever love you more than me. Ever. In your whole life. I can promise you, you can love who you love with blind, unconditional acceptance from me and your Daddy. I can promise you if you do happen to bring a girl home she will be interrogated. I mean uncomfortably. If she can’t handle it- she’s not the one. If she is the one – I’ll love her like a daughter. I can promise you though she will know that I will demolish her if she hurts you or does not possess the self worth or character needed to be with my son. (* Disclaimer: That goes for anyone you date, regardless of gender.)
I promise to smack the shit out of you should you ever disrespect a woman and are not honest with her. I promise to remind you, you better be certain of your actions and never take something from her you can’t give back. I promise to teach you NO means NO. (Refer back to: I promise to raise a man who takes responsibility for his actions.) I promise to listen and hug you when your heart is broken. I promise to always be there to give advice or just be silent. I promise to meet you on the couch after your nights out so we can laugh, cry and commiserate. I promise you, I’ll always want to hear all about it. You can tell me anything. Nothing is going to shock me. Daddy says Mommy’s like a dude anyway. I promise to teach you that yes, you should open doors and pay the bill. Good manners and chivalry do not negate feminism. I promise to help you understand what giving space is about. I promise to teach you something’s are not about you and when it comes to choices about her body- your opinion is secondary, if that. Your job is one of support. I promise to show you it’s OK to be vulnerable and monogamous but it’s also OK to be a little mysterious and play the field when you’re younger…BUT BE HONEST ABOUT IT. I promise to never lie to you..so….yes, girl’s do like a little bit of a bad boy. I don’t know why, they just do. I promise you being in love, surrendering to it and reciprocating it is worth the risk of heartache. So go get them and do the work to never let them go.
My son, I promise, you will fuck up. You just will. Many, many times. But that’s OK. Feel remorse but never live too long in regret. It’s what you learn from it and how you move forward to do better next time. I always promise to help guide you. I will not always have the answers whether in matters of the heart, life or especially anything above 4th grade math, but I will give you my best effort. I will make mistakes and fuck up too but I will always do my best. I promise to always try and keep you safe. I promise to fight fiercely for your future. At some point my job will be done though and you will be your own man. I promise I will always be right beside you physically or spiritually to give you a gentle nudge in the right direction. But, I can’t always give you the answers. As hard as it will be, I promise to let you find your own way, to make those mistakes necessary to grow, to not run in and beat the shit out of that bully before letting you handle it and to trust your judgement and choices even when I disagree with you. But I will challenge you and make you think. I promise you hearing the truth sucks sometimes and you will not always like to hear what I say. But, I promise, you will always have a safe place to land. I will also promise, however, to always let you know when you’re being a little asshole whether you’re 8 or 38 and tell you how proud I am of the man you become.
I promise our, ‘secret adventures,’ will last a lifetime. I promise I’ll be there for your first tattoo and will always be excited for our dance parties in the living room; no matter how old you get. Same goes for your tight, monkey hugs. I promise you’ll always see me rooting for you in the stands. I promise you there will never be a day in your life when you don’t know you’re Mommy’s best friend. While I am your parent first, friend later, trust me when I say it’s for good reason. You may not always like me, but as your protector that’s a small price to pay to watch the incredible human being I know you will continue to be in this world. Be the light. Never live in fear. Chase and catch your dreams. Do you. Be you. Be happy. Mommy promises she’s with you always and forever.
“Who does Mommy love? Yes, you…..”
xxx
1 Good Egg 