Over the past few weeks, I have received multiple emails from women; friends I speak to on a regular basis, some I haven’t spoken to in a while and some who are Chris’ friends. They all have a similar tone, sharing either what they went through themselves to get their little ones here or what they are currently going through. I started thinking about how similar we all are, the fear, the anxiety, the hope and the perseverance we wake up to each day. But….it also made me pause to consider how different each woman’s story is at the same time. Each is an individualized journey, which should be respected and admired. Baby-making is a process; a process as unique as any other artist’s creative process. Each person will take twists and turns along the way that another may not, even though the end product we are trying to create is the same. Sometimes, it’s those personal decisions along the way which prepares us, makes us ready, stronger, full of fight, to tackle all that is about to come. And sometimes it is that journey which is what makes us so appreciative in the end. There is no right or wrong way and a woman and her partner’s decisions along the fertility ride is going to be considered as carefully as the partner they chose to have this baby with or whether this kid is going to Harvard or Yale.
All you hear when you’re young is how NOT to get pregnant. I’m sure a lot of us spent the majority of our teenage years and early 20’s thinking every time we had the smallest slip up, that was it, pregnant. Life was over. I mean, the first time I got felt up and a boy even laid on top of me (fully clothed mind you,) I thought I had committed a cardinal sin. That was the longest month ever waiting for my period to come. Could I really have been that naïve?! Apparently so….All I know is God, Mother Mary and every Saint I could think of and I had a very close relationship at that time and I don’t think I ever prayed so hard for something not to be. Funny how things change…….
Now, women in the position of wanting something so desperately look for the answers of, “OK, so how do I get pregnant?” Nobody said anything about egg viability, misshapen uteruses, miscarriages and “geriatric pregnancies,” so why does this process become just that, a process? Aren’t we supposed to just be intimate with our partners and nine months later a healthy, beautiful bundle of joy arrives from the love that was created? Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? Well, yes in theory and sometimes miracles do happen just like that even when we think they wouldn’t, but sometimes they don’t.
After hearing friends’ stories of their process, what they endured, some of the judgment they received at times and how they soldiered on to do what felt right for them in order to be a mommy, I just wanted to remind women in current situations or starting this process to listen to your gut. You know… that mommy instinct that is going to come in handy when you do have your baby? Listen to it closely. This is your story and you are the only one who can write it. While hearing what others went through and asking for advice will be crucial for research while gathering information and for moral support, there will come a point when you need to quiet the noise coming from a million directions and listen to yourself. This is unfortunately not a one- size-fits all situation where you follow the manual and connect the dots. So, after careful thought, if you do decide you want to try fertility drugs or Acupuncture or Cupping or Chinese Medicine, or IUI or IVF or an egg donor or a sperm donor or a surrogate or adoption, etc., do it. And just keep reminding yourself it’s not how you get to the title of “Mommy” in the end, it’s just about being called Mommy. I wish you all, the easiest and briefest journey in your process. Never stop hoping.
1 Good Egg 