Tag Archives: IUI

BOO! The Trickiest of Treats Has Arrived!

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halloween reveal #2

JQS-12 weeksI can tell…..you all look like you just saw a ghost right now, don’t you!? ;)) Well, what better time to announce our incredible news than on our favorite holiday, right before our one year wedding anniversary?! Yes, it is true! Chris and I are thrilled to announce I am in my second trimester and our son is due April 20th, 2015!

Seems our little egg is the trickiest of treats and found his way into our Halloween goody-basket unassisted and earlier than we had anticipated. Let’s just say, we already know he has a mind of his own and clearly does things on his own time (which I already predicted.) Unbeknownst to us, little Nugget had already made his way to us as we sat in our fertility specialist’s office on that very first appointment back at the beginning of August. Because it was very early, it wasn’t until a couple of weeks and six pregnancy tests later that we discovered he was on his way. Ironically, the one month we completely ruled out the possibility of conceiving due to poor timing with me in Vegas for work, did not deter this super baby. Apparently one time, 3-4 days before ovulation was all it took. He decided to chill out and just wait. This one is a keeper. He wants to be here.

While we were completely floored and thrilled (and in shock for a good day or two,) this also meant that Nugget clearly wanted to go to Italy with us as well. Not the trip we had anticipated, my little man granted Mommy no appetite all week, nausea, narcolepsy and an embarrassing display of motion sickness over the side of a boat in front of The Blue Grotto in Capri. So, instead of feasting on Limoncello, wine and endless bowls of pasta all week, I opted for ginger ale, bread, gelato and the occasional bowl of pasta when I could keep it down. All well worth it……

In a nutshell, the first trimester was filled with more fear and anxiety than morning sickness. While I do have the acne of a 13 year old boy, the nausea, bloating, gas and exhaustion has subsided and was bearable in hindsight. I really cannot complain as I’m sure others have had far worse first trimesters than I. Besides my food aversions and craving only watermelon, grapes and red apples, the first trimester for me has been more about how to not lose this baby. Though clearly, what will be will be, while I wish I could say I have been enjoying this time, I’ve been more fearful about waking up to cramping and seeing blood on my underwear. A normal reaction for anyone who has miscarried, I honestly just kept waiting for this little one to “disappear.” Every morning I would wake up and think, “I wonder if this is it.” But, at the same time, somewhere deeper, I knew this kid wasn’t going anywhere and I had to quiet the clutter going on in my brain. I had to start enjoying this, or the time was going to pass me by and I would have missed it all.  I’d be lying if I said it was easy and I still don’t fear the worse in the back of my mind, but, I choose to focus on the positive from here on out.

Superstitious to tell people or even dare to look at any nursery items online the first three months, with every sonogram, every blood test it would only just reaffirm him proving me wrong. He was sticking around and making himself comfy in there. I think it really hit me after my Maternit 21 and NT Ultrasound came back negative. It all became real and I’ll never forget that night in the living room, standing there on speaker phone with the doctor as she told us the good news on the test results and watching Chris stumble back into the wall with surprise hearing we were having a boy….It is one of the greatest, happiest moments in my life. I will never forget it.

Now as I ease into my 16th week, I’m starting to enjoy things much more. I’m dealing with the weight gain and all the changes going on in my body and am embracing it all. My belly recently popped and I just love it. So does Chris (as does he love my increased boob size as well.) Most importantly, I am starting to feel more at ease that this time will all be OK. We are over the moon excited, feel extraordinarily blessed to have conceived by “spontaneous conception” after all (as documented by my OB) and are ready, loving and living for this ride we are on.

While this blog started out with the intention of chronicling my fertility journey, I transition now into my pregnancy journey. During these last couple of months, part of me felt as though I lucked out and didn’t endure enough to get to this point. I guess a bit of a guilt -complex set in that I should have struggled more to earn my war badge like so many others must. I do hope however, if in any small way, I will serve as a bit of inspiration and proof to those women still reading that miracles do happen and can and will happen when the timing is right, one way or another……..So please, keep the faith and let’s see where this journey leads all of us!

Until next time…..Happy Halloween & wishing you all 1 Good Egg in your goody bag too! xxx

 

The Right to “Due” Process.

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Over the past few weeks, I have received multiple emails from women; friends I speak to on a regular basis, some I haven’t spoken to in a while and some who are Chris’ friends. They all have a similar tone, sharing either what they went through themselves to get their little ones here or what they are currently going through.  I started thinking about how similar we all are, the fear, the anxiety, the hope and the perseverance we wake up to each day. But….it also made me pause to consider how different each woman’s story is at the same time. Each is an individualized journey, which should be respected and admired. Baby-making is a process; a process as unique as any other artist’s creative process. Each person will take twists and turns along the way that another may not, even though the end product we are trying to create is the same. Sometimes, it’s those personal decisions along the way which  prepares us, makes us ready, stronger, full of fight, to tackle all that is about to come. And sometimes it is that journey which is what makes us so appreciative in the end. There is no right or wrong way and a woman and her partner’s decisions along the fertility ride is going to be considered as carefully as the partner they chose to have this baby with or whether this kid is going to Harvard or Yale.

All you hear when you’re young is how NOT to get pregnant. I’m sure a lot of us spent the majority of our teenage years and early 20’s thinking every time we had the smallest slip up, that was it, pregnant. Life was over. I mean, the first time I got felt up and a boy even laid on top of me (fully clothed mind you,) I thought I had committed a cardinal sin. That was the longest month ever waiting for my period to come. Could I really have been that naïve?! Apparently so….All I know is God, Mother Mary and every Saint I could think of and I had a very close relationship at that time and I don’t think I ever prayed so hard for something not to be. Funny how things change…….

Now, women in the position of wanting something so desperately look for the answers of, “OK, so how do I get pregnant?” Nobody said anything about egg viability, misshapen uteruses, miscarriages and “geriatric pregnancies,” so why does this process become just that, a process? Aren’t we supposed to just be intimate with our partners and nine months later a healthy, beautiful bundle of joy arrives from the love that was created? Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? Well, yes in theory and sometimes miracles do happen just like that even when we think they wouldn’t, but sometimes they don’t.

After hearing friends’ stories of their process, what they endured, some of the judgment they received at times and how they soldiered on to do what felt right for them in order to be a mommy, I just wanted to remind women in current situations or starting this process to listen to your gut. You know… that mommy instinct that is going to come in handy when you do have your baby? Listen to it closely. This is your story and you are the only one who can write it. While hearing what others went through and asking for advice will be crucial for research while gathering information and for moral support, there will come a point when you need to quiet the noise coming from a million directions and listen to yourself. This is unfortunately not a one- size-fits all situation where you follow the manual and connect the dots. So, after careful thought, if you do decide you want to try fertility drugs or Acupuncture or Cupping or Chinese Medicine, or IUI or IVF or an egg donor or a sperm donor or a surrogate or adoption, etc., do it. And just keep reminding yourself it’s not how you get to the title of “Mommy” in the end, it’s just about being called Mommy. I wish you all, the easiest and briefest journey in your process. Never stop hoping.

“Who YOU Calling Geriatric?!”

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Now that my doting husband and I are back from our whirlwind Italian adventure, complete with romantic strolls, sun, gelato, pasta…..gelato and more pasta……it’s time to get back to reality as much as I’d love to sit around our pool in the lemon grove and continue to indulge in carbohydrates as my main food group.

Upon our descent back into normal life, nothing will smack you hard across the face more than being enlightened to the notion that apparently age is still not just something of a number. While I have gotten over the hump of turning 38 a few weeks ago, dealt with it and embraced all the wonderful positivity that surfaced the air before we left on vacation, it seems that women over 35 are still being labeled with a stigma that really has my pasta water boiling. I’m not sure how many of you are aware, but “geriatric pregnancy” has been brought to my attention by my acupuncture guru as a legitimate medical term for a pregnant woman over 35.  When she informed me of this horror, I was flabbergasted and must have had the, “Are you fucking kidding me?” face on for a good 30 seconds….Literally. So what did Jess do? Jess went home and immediately started researching this nasty, name-calling to get to the bottom of this.

Apparently, as I’ve read, while the medical community must have had a light bulb go off in their antiquated heads that this categorization was just that…antiquated…they have been so gracious as to now update the term to, “advanced maternal age” in their medical books. I’m sure that this will make every woman over 35, or just about to turn 35 feel so much better.  Thank you.

Really? That’s the best you can do?

Now, listen, I am not minimizing the reality of the situation when a woman begins their fertility journey a little later in life. I’m living proof, as many of my girlfriends can attest to as well. There are obviously things that need to be addressed and physical things that are occurring in the body that nobody has any control over. Our egg viability and reserve are what they are and certain risk factors do increase the older we get, nobody will deny that……..BUT, there are also a lot of myths out there which need to be dispelled.

Firstly, infertility does not just ‘mostly’ affect women over 35. There are many, many women in their twenties and early thirties who are enduring the same pain, heartbreak and frustration that “geriatric women” are facing. I’ve seen them in the doctor’s office every week with the same look of desperation, nerves and cautious hope I have. Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason for why things are the way they are, so to blame age as the culprit every time is excluding an entire demographic of women struggling with the same issues.

Secondly, while the risk for certain things like preterm labor, birth defects and miscarriage does increase with age, these numbers do not magically spike overnight and should not be viewed as a curse or death sentence. A concern? Yes. The need for continuous dialogue with your doctor and pre-screening? Definitely. But if you are 38, you should still feel optimistic to assume you will and can have a healthy, happy baby. And that’s what I intend to believe.

Finally, while I’ve mentioned this in a previous blog entry, it is worth reiterating. There is something that is most important to consider. As the years roll on, women are having babies later in life for a number of reasons. They are more career-orientated, they have things they want to accomplish for themselves first, they want to be financially stable, they want to find the right partner, etc. This takes time. The stars don’t always align when we want them to. All the pieces of the puzzle have to fit. Fertility is just one of those pieces. And no, there is never the perfect time to have a baby, but society is clearly shifting in terms of women delaying motherhood. There is no denying that. However, older women are also having more success than in recent years because of better emotional, financial and medical support….and that’s pretty inspiring.

I will not lie though…..I do envy those perky little pregnant 27 year olds, sitting on the subway rubbing their perfectly popped bellies, prenatal yoga mat in hand, looking picture perfect, thinking…. “This bitch probably got pregnant on the first try & her body is going to snap right back in a week.” You know what? I still wouldn’t change where I am at this point in my life. In truth and in fairness however, I don’t know that girl’s journey and what she endured to get where she is. She may have struggled beyond measure. But, it still makes me feel better in a moment of weakness. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t.

Being younger does have many, many advantages but I don’t believe it’s all about youth anymore. I think there is something to be said for having lived a little. And, in truth, a lot of my friends look better than some twenty-something’s I see on the street. Maybe it’s because they do work harder for it and are more conscience of living healthy lifestyles. Maybe it’s also because when you’re in your twenties, you’re expected to be beautiful and perfect (and fertile.) When you’re older, you’ve earned it. (I can’t take credit for that thought; it was on an episode of Golden Girls…..thanks Dorothy….)

With that, I choose to remember that Grandma Jessie over here is not about to give up her stilettos for a walker or her focus of one good egg for throwing in the towel and sitting back in her rocking chair waiting for her body to disintegrate. Medical community, you can label us over 35’s anything you want, but the bottom line is, we are not out for the count…….it may take us a while to get there, but we can. Having a baby is called a miracle for a reason. If and when it’s a woman’s time to conceive, she will….beyond all science and logic….and that’s whether you’re 38 or 28. Here’s to hope everyone.

Waiting. Period.

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           Yep….OK…..15 DPO, 4 negative pregnancy tests, 2 swollen boobs I want to rip off my body, 10 gallons of water weight bloating, one moody wife and one patient husband…… and…… we wait. Oh no, we’re not waiting for the love our life, our “little egg” to appear, no we’re waiting for Aunt Flo to finally friggin get here so I can button my pants again this month and get over the fact that despite perfect timing, egg-white cervical mucus (finally), a happy smiley face on the O test and corresponding temperatures, we are in fact NOT PREGNANT. We are so not pregnant that the void of a second line on the pregnancy test was so apparent the thing almost jumped out and smacked me in the face to tell me,

“Asshole. You are not pregnant and staring at me isn’t going to change it, no matter how many angles you look at me from or how long you hold me up to the window to see if the sun reflects a line off of me. Stop holding me under the table lamp too and putting me down, walking away for ten minutes and coming back to double check. You’re just making an idiot of yourself and you should be ashamed.”

          So….here Priscilla sits waiting…..just waiting……Oh. Wait. You haven’t met. Meet Priscilla. That is my PMS alter ego who remains present until post-period, follicular phase Jessie returns. I’m sure you’ll get to know her well.

          You know….It’s bad enough you have the dreaded two week wait after ovulation where you sit in this purgatory of hell just willing your temperatures to stay up so that you’re still in the running. But now, to know you’re not pregnant and your luteal phase just doesn’t want to end….well that’s just cruel and downright mean.

          People asking, “well…..are you sure you’re not pregnant?” does not help either. In a nutshell…….Yes, I’m fucking sure. Do you think I’m making this shit up? Do you think I enjoy the repeated ass-kicking my negative pregnancy test has been giving me the past week?! Really??? Mind your business……..I know my body.

          I guess I should look on the bright side. My luteal phase is long enough for an embryo to implant so that’s one problem I’m not enduring. Although, there is no embryo that seems to want to implant so that kind of defeats the purpose of that rationale. But, nonetheless as my acupuncture guru advises,

“I believe your body is getting itself ready to implant. Your temperatures are looking good (except that dip mid cycle we just can’t seem to boost and she keeps reminding me of) and it’s just a matter of time…..It’s going to happen.”

          I do believe this….I have to believe this. Now, I just need to talk Priscilla off the ledge before she demolishes ALL of The Brit’s chocolate stash his friends brought him over from England.

Period.